Scene 1 of Play

ZACH is in his early thirties. He is not unattractive, but overweight, and melancholy-looking.

He lives alone in a crumby apartment which he rarely leaves—just for food, psychiatry appointments, and to the library. He talks to himself, puts himself down when alone. When among people, he thinks everyone is talking him down.

Scene: Psychiatrist’s office. Dr. RITA Roberson, attractive, in early forties, sits across from ZACH.

Rita and Zach sit in silence for a spell.

Rita: Have you been doing your walks still?

Zach: No.

Rita: Why not?

Zach: It’s like torture.

Rita: The paranoia?

Zach: If you want to call it that.

Rita: Well, what would you call it?

Zach: Torture.

Rita: What have they been saying recently?

Zach: The voices? Just the same things, only with different word choices.

Rita: Like?

Zach: They say…that I’m ugly, and I should be put away.

Rita: Put away?

Zach: Yes, put away. As opposed to “sent to the loony bin,” which I suppose is an improvement.

(Rita laughs)

Rita: What about the positive affirmations? Have you been trying those?

Zach: I do try.

Rita: Want to try now?

Zach: No. (Pause) I am ugly, you know.

Rita: Why do you say that?

Zach: Isn’t it obvious?

Rita: No.

Zach: You’re going to sit there and say that I am not ugly?

Rita: Yes, and I’ll mean it, too. You are not ugly. But it doesn’t matter what I think. It’s what you think that matters. Or, rather, it’s what you tell yourself that matters.

Zach (Pensively): It’s funny…

Rita: What?

Zach: I just had a thought. It’s ridiculous…

Rita: Tell me.

Zach: Well, I thought, what if it were possible for an ugly person to will himself into becoming good looking?

Rita: That’s interesting. Tell me more.

Zach: Well, let’s say I were to tell myself a hundred times a day that I was handsome, maybe I would start positioning my facial muscles in such a way that…oh, it’s ridiculous!

Rita: No! It’s a very interesting, very good idea!

Zach: You think so?

Rita: I do! You should try it.

Zach: Oh, so you do think I am ugly.

Rita (annoyed): No. I don’t. But I think everyone has the potential to be ugly, if they think they are ugly, and everyone has the potential to be beautiful, if they think they are.

Zach: It is an interesting concept.

Rita: I told you, you have the mind of a great scientist.

Zach: Hah! That’s a joke.

Rita: Well I think you should try this out. As an experiment of sorts.

Zach: It is interesting. Though, isn’t it the same thing as a person with an IQ of 70 telling himself that he is a genius?

Rita: Why can’t a person with an IQ of 70 be a genius?

Zach: Hmph. I see your point. I guess Mugsy Bogues managed to play in the NBA.

Rita: I never heard of him.

Zach: Not important. Maybe I will give it a shot.

Rita: You should! What do you have to lose?

Zach: My sanity, maybe.

Rita (laughing): Telling yourself you are handsome won’t make you insane.

Zach (softly): Maybe only if I believe it.

Rita: What was that?

Zach: Nothing.

Rita looks at him importunately.

Zach: I said, “Maybe only if I believe it.”

Rita: So believing yourself to be handsome would make you insane?

Zach: Maybe not insane. Just ignorant.

Rita: What if you are really ignorant for thinking you’re ugly, though?

Zach: Point taken.

Rita: The fact is, it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. Don’t you know that?

Zach: It’s something they tried to teach me in kindergarten, I think. Had I been graded on it I would have failed.

Rita (laughs): Well now’s your chance to earn a passing grade.

(Pause)

Zach: OK. I will do it. A hundred times a day.

Rita: Great! What are you going to say?

Zach: I am a handsome man.

Rita: Good! And when will you say it?

Zach: Whenever I can. That is, whenever I can get away with it without coming across as a complete lunatic.

Rita (laughing): OK. Great. Well, our time is up. I’ll see you next week?

Zach: Sure.

Rita: And you’ll let me know how your experiment goes?

Zach nods.

Rita: OK. Bye Zach! I’m excited about this!

Zach leaves. Rita is radiant. She begins writing notes in her computer jovially.