Advice for Would-Be Beggars

Here are several pieces of advice
If you want to beg for a living:
Practice your best pathetic face
In the mirror as much as possible,
And become a paralytic if you can.
For this, I recommend jumping off a cliff,
But not one too high,
Otherwise you might die.
Learn to subdue your voice
So that it never hints at a command
Or self-confidence.
Practice not looking people in the eye.
No one likes a beggar who is
Proud of his shame.
You must also learn the subtle art
Of exhibiting your pain
While deliberately displaying your attempt to mask it.
You must walk down many dirty lanes
While never changing clothes.
Never wash, for that might give you dignity.
And to maintain an air of mysticism,
Let your hair grow long.
With a bit of grit mixed with self-defeat
No would-be beggar could go wrong.