Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Consuelo Maninguez Walks into a Bar



Apropos of nothing but a dream which maybe somebody had once had
And never told anyone about,
Consuelo Maninguez walked through the swinging doors and into the bar
At four in the afternoon
Smelling of catnip, chartreuse, and a dirty septic tank
Which had apparently exploded.
Smoking a reefer, he wore white Superman briefs
Which showed off his thick, Chicano legs
And protruding belly, moderately covered in hair.
He wore red leather boots with spurs and a violet hat,
And gazed out with wild, blood-shot eyes.
He began singing a song as he approached the bar,
Swinging his hips like the tornadas of two ancient love songs,
Thrusting his exceptional bulge forward like a theme,
Too obvious to be refined.
He ordered two drinks,
Pulled the pistol out of the back of his underwear
And set it on the bar,
Sitting next to the plump blonde diva sipping on whiskey to his right.
He downed his drinks, yelled obscenities into the air,
And tried to paint the diva’s face in the mirror behind the bar
With his drunken bloodshot eyes—a strange surrealist disfigurement
That makes him hornier than the real thing.
He orders another drink and makes a toast:
“A la derecha! Por su insingificancia!”
He balls up his fist, and slams it down
Like a ballast upon the bar.
He squeezes out an eyeball and puts it in the diva’s drink,
Pays the bartender in gold bouillon before making his way out.
As he leaves, he smiles as he hears the scream of the diva,
Who’s found the lucky eyeball,
And he replaces the pistol down his backside,
And it sits there, trapped by the two giant bulges of muscle
That form his ass.

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